Why You Should Drive A Prius

Aren’t you tired of burning rubber at every green light when you step on the gas in your 2009 V6 Honda Accord?  Obviously, the Toyota Prius is the best option for you if you are on the market for a new whip (This article has nothing to do with the fact that I got a 2015 Prius 2 last Monday from CarMax). 

First off, the mileage is outstanding.  I obviously  am not biased, but there is nothing better than sitting on the 405 South at 5:30 PM going 7-9 miles per hour while getting 50+ miles per gallon.  Say what you want, it must feel good to maximize your MPH while listening to Little River Band on repeat for 45 minutes. 

Next, if you drive a Prius, you probably are very comfortable in your sexuality. I don’t know from experience, but if I did, I would assume that Prius owners get heckled at traffic stops for their sexual orientation. To me, if you drive a Prius you are saying that you care for the environment while also enjoying the smell of your own farts from time to time. Anyone who drives a Prius probably has at least a 3 inch penis (which I hear is about average, right?). 

Lastly, any Prius would look fuckin’ sweet with blacked out rims and windows.  I think if someone had a white 2015 Prius 2 with black rims and limo tint they would probably be the coolest kid on the block. Honestly, if you don’t drive a Prius in 2021 then you should be shot.