Ladies and gentlemen, it’s FIGHT NIGHT FRIDAY! After a stunning victory last week for ex football star and Bronco enthusiast, OJ Simpson, this week we’ve decided to spice things up with a love triangle brawl. In honor of FX’s new crime series, ‘Impeachment: American Crime Story’, premiering next Tuesday, we decided to pit wife against lover in a battle over Bill Clinton’s heart. So let’s ask the question: Who would win in a fight, Hillary Clinton or Monica Lewinsky?
In the red corner, FIGHTING! Out of San Francisco, California. Standing at 5’6″ and weighing in at 160 lbs. MONICA LEWINSKY! It’s not every day you have an affair with the married president of the United States but in Monica Lewinsky’s case, it was 9 days, in fact. A true testament to what an internship success story looks like, Monica made waves in the white house during her 1998 sex scandal with then sitting president, Bill Clinton. On more than one occasion it was said Bill’s wife was asleep in the house when they were fooling around so bravery and boldness are two key factors in Monica’s chances to win this fight. Yes, she’ll be wearing the jizz-stained dress in this bought, a useful tactic to get into the head of her opponent.
In the blue corner, FIGHTING! Out of Chicago, Illinois. Standing at 5’6″ and weighing in at 132 lbs. HILLARY “HILLDOG” CLINTON! It ain’t 2016 anymore, folks. Hillary’s back and she ain’t taking the L this time around. Madame Secretary’s been waiting 23 years for this day to come. Finally a chance to kick her husband’s lover’s ass and make Bill watch ringside. Though she’s at a disadvantage with both age and weight being a factor in this fight, Hillary’s got one thing on her side… RAGE! She’s ready to do whatever it takes to get back at Bill for the world’s most famous blowjob. Wether that means she kicks Monica’s ass, Bill’s ass or both she’s gonna kill someone tonight.
This one’s a messy catfight, folks. Hillary comes flying out of her corner swinging harder than Florida in 2016, but much like the election the swing isn’t in her favor as Lewinsky counters with an upper jab right to Hilldog’s botoxed forehead. These women are brawling it out, both with a desire for the ultimate prize: Bill’s heart. In the end, age becomes the fatigue factor that determines this victory. Hilldog slows up in round 5 and lets her guard down, leaving an opening for Lewinsky to land a combo and drop Mrs. Clinton to the canvas. Looks like Monica Lewinsky wins the fight and Bill’s love with a knockout late in round 5.