June 5, 2023

The Tap Daily

The Tap Daily is a West Coast based pop culture and entertainment website that features humorous and quick reading articles to keep you up to speed on daily news.

What’s worse: getting stuck at the top of a roller coaster, or derailing from a roller coaster?

So yesterday, apparently a wooden coaster called El Toro derailed at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey.

“Several guests reported back pain after riding El Toro this evening,” said Gabriel Darretta, a Six Flags spokesperson. “Five guests were taken to a local medical facility for evaluation. The ride is closed for inspection.”

Even though it’s not like this coaster is absolutely flying off the rails, some minor back pain definitely does suck. But it got me thinking, if I were stuck in this shitty situation and I could choose my predicament, would I rather be on a roller coaster that gets derailed, or one that gets stuck at the very tip top?

Being on a coaster that gets derailed is a huge 50/50. You could have a very minor derailment like this one and be arguably fine. Or, you could be coming down from the very top, through a turn, and the thing flies off the rails and into the next Adventureland… leading to your immediate (what I would assume would be a very) fiery death. That doesn’t sound so great. However, it is only a 50/50 chance. Would I rather try to cheat death, OR be stuck at the very top for hours upon end with no knowledge of when I’d be rescued?

See, with being stuck, you can’t move. You’re literally trapped in that roller coaster car, with the hot sun beating down on you, and hopefully not while upside down… Oh, and God forbid you have a fear of heights. You’re screwed. But at least you know you won’t die. Nobody’s ever died from being stuck on a roller coaster. When you’re stuck, it’ll be quite the inconvenience, but at least you know you will be rescued.

Hmmmm, but that could take hours. At least with a derailment, it’s one and done. It’s over as soon as you hit the ground (although, that would probably result in instant death unlike the minor derailments we wish for). A minor derailment is like a little “Wild Card” for life. You never know what you’re going to get into.

I think, for the sake of this argument, I’d rather be stuck at the top. So what if I wind up peeing my pants? At least I won’t be clinging to dear life on half a coaster car.

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