What’s the deal with turtlenecks?

Last Sunday night, I went out dinner and an esteemed gentleman at the next table was wearing a striking black turtleneck paired with a wonderful navy jacket. I was in awe, I hadn’t seen a turtleneck worn so well in… well, ever. I always thought they were tacky, out of place… for me the turtleneck evokes memories of being stuffed into a winter uniform growing up going to Catholic school. But this man…. I’ve never seen someone rock a turtleneck, thin-rimmed glasses and coiffed hair so hard. Granted, he was about forty years older than me, but he still rocked the fuck out of that turtleneck.

He put me on- It’s suave, it’s elegant, it’s the sophisticated fashion statement you didn’t know you needed to make. It’s like “Sex Panther” in a garment. It’s the ultimate “ski-lodge casual.”

The problem is, in LA it’s never cold enough to rock a turtleneck (let alone a turtleneck and the accompanying plaid jacket that would go with it). I feel like I’d go out and just be a sweaty turtlenecked mess. Imagine 1212 all T-necked up? No bueno. Also, where can I find one? All the GAPs in a 25 mile radius are sold out? Do I have to STEAL one? Is that part of the allure and mystique of the turtleneck? Are there secret powers hidden in the raised collar? Perhaps that’s it. Perhaps that’s the secret.

I want to try one out. and I want to wear it out, tonight. Watch out Jameson’s, your boy is coming in HOT with a turtleneck for these rough winter months. My next mission, find a turtleneck, go out on the town, and report back.