With summer in full swing and bars reopening around the country, it’s high time to get together with friends and family to crack a few brewskis. With so many types of beer to choose from, here’s a basic rundown of what your favorite crispy beverage might say about you.
The India pale ale, better known as the IPA, is a common favorite. These beers boast bolder, hoppier flavors, and often higher alcohol percentages than their kin. If you’re an IPA fan, you probably wear a lot of flannels and take your coffee black. Lighter beers aren’t “sophisticated” enough for your evolved palate. You like to try new things, and you’re not afraid to get hammered while doing it.
Pale Ales, the IPA’s tamer cousin. If a pale ale is your beer, you like to have a good time, but you’ve also got work in the morning. These beers tend to pack bold and bitter flavors while coasting around a 5% ABV. Pale ale drinkers are adventurous at heart but cower at the thought of hangovers. A pale ale is best sipped while reminiscing on fonder times, hence why these are very popular amongst dads.
King of beers my ass. Lagers are the most drank type of beer across America because they are refreshing, lower in alcoholic volume, and relatively cheap. If lagers are your favorite type of beer you are a sheep burdened with herd mentality. To you, trailer trash is a compliment, and the words “Too early” are meaningless. Every day is a party and it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere.
Similar to lagers, with a hint of refined sophistication. Pilsners are lighter beers originating from the Czech Republic and popularized throughout European countries such as Germany. A pilsner is a great cool-down beer to sip after a hefty drinking session. If a pilsner is your beer of choice, you have great table manners and always take your shoes off when you enter someone’s house. You know your limits, and probably have several sweaters hanging in your closet. However, confrontation is not your forte, and you’ve probably lost a few fights in your life.
Some folks will argue that stouts and porters are entirely different types of beer, but nonetheless, their drinkers possess similar qualities. Absolute madmen. Unpredictable. They like their beers to taste like coffee and chocolate and they’ll knock your teeth out if you say anything about it. If you’re on a date and your partner orders one of these beers, run. These folks need to be corralled and shipped back to the UK and Ireland where they belong.
Wheat beer drinkers love life. Nothing can bother you when you’re sipping on a hefeweizen or witbier after a long day. Wheat beers are light and refreshing, and often possess citrusy undertones. They pair great with meals and make for a great summertime beverage. If a fight breaks out at a gathering, it’s the wheat beer drinkers that step in to mediate and cool things down. They may not be as aggressive as other drinkers, but what they lack in grit, they make up for in wholesome vibes.
Sour beer drinkers are wine enthusiasts pretending to like beer. For these people, sours are ordered when there is no cider on the tap list. These beers, like their drinkers, are out of pocket. With a wide variety of fruity and bubbly flavors to choose from, it is hard to place sour drinkers in a specific category. They are used to criticism from other beer drinkers and use that criticism to instill fear in their companions. People like this love a good charcuterie board, but are more than ready to throw hands when needed.
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