Top Five Cringiest Bumper Stickers

Cars are wonderful. A brilliant example of human ingenuity, the automobile has arguably moved society further forward than most inventions of the 21st Century. I’m no mechanic, but I certainly recognize when a person respects the sanctity of his or her vehicle. Likewise, it’s clear when an individual has tarnished their greatest tool for daily transportation. What am I talking about you may ask? Bumper stickers. Bumper stickers have the potential to add some character to your car, but nine times out of ten they are an embarrassment that belong in the garbage. In my opinion, these are the top five worst ones you can have stuck above your tail lights.

5. My Child is an Honor Student

Honestly, what are you trying to prove here? As an emblem of emboldened mothers everywhere, these stickers reek of red wine, book clubs, and participation medals. Plus your kid’s a nerd.

4. Stick Figure Family

Stick figure stickers come in a wide variety of styles. They range from demented Disney families to cheeky Dad jokes. Truth is, nobody cares about your nine kids, dog, cat, iguana, etc.

3. Calvin

Yeah, stick it to the man! You’re a badass who isn’t afraid to get down and dirty. Why else would you show off a children’s comic character urinating on your rear window? Hobbes would be crying if he saw you.

2. Coexist

You and your Prius won’t be gaining any favors in traffic by having one of these strewn across your bumper. Most of us are pretty pro world peace so how about tossing that adhesive virtue signal in the trash.

1. Presidential Losers

Support whoever you want; I dont give a shit. Honestly though, what are you doing crusing around with one of these losers stuck to your car’s rear end? Whether it’s Romney, Bernie, Clinton, or Trump, you’re managed to turn your car into an L with wheels.