Ahhhhhh, the Olympics. Every four years we are graced with the opportunity to kick every country’s ass for sport. This not only established dominance over other countries, but also allows the most talented athletes in the world the opportunity to showcase their skills. Upon looking over the new additions to the lineup, I have compiled the three easiest sports to medal in with no training whatsoever. I actually believe I could sneak onto the podium in these three sports.
First off, sharp shooting. I grew up shooting guns maybe once a year with no formal training other than mild stretching and a couple of Coors Banquets. With no training at all, I think I could score some points and maybe even hit a bullseye or two. I recently got lasik eye surgery so I am pretty confident in my ability to see the target, something I have never been used to while shooting a gun. This will give me a leg up on the competition making the task easier than I am used to. I think I could for sure get a silver and maybe even a gold medal if I play my cards right.
Next, speed walking. I really don’t see much issue here. We all have been walking since we were babies and this sport is simply walking as fast as possible. I stand tall at 5 feet 11.75 inches so you could say I am a bit of a physical specimen. This height advantage gives me the long legs needed to smoke most of the competition. The only shortcoming I have is that my stamina isn’t exactly olympic caliber. I can easily evade this through performance enhancing drugs (Bang Energy drinks) and drafting the leaders to conserve energy. Also, If I lose somehow I could just fake an ankle injury.
Lastly, synchronized swimming. I grew up in the ocean so you could say I am comfortable in the water. Also, I was in choir in high school so I can keep a beat going as long as I need to. These two skills will help me excel in synchronized swimming. Besides, if I don’t know what to do I would just start doing summersaults underwater to create the illusion of knowing the choreography. I think I could squeeze at least a bronze medal out of this event assuming my teammates don’t ruin it for me.