May 29, 2022

The Tap Daily

The Tap Daily is a West Coast based pop culture and entertainment website that features humorous and quick reading articles to keep you up to speed on daily news.

The World Needs More Coasters

As a connoisseur of beverages, whether it be water, coffee, beer… and the like, I am always appalled when I see people putting their drinks back onto tables without “protection.”

That’s right. Not enough people use coasters anymore and I’m sick of it. What kind of uncivilized, barbaric savages just throw beverages willy nilly all over their coffee table? Aren’t you embarrassed that your home might as well be a zoo? If I’m at someone’s house, and they graciously offer me a beer, why wouldn’t they offer me a coaster as well? It’s their table I’m trying to protect, here. I’d almost feel insulted if they didn’t say, “and here’s a coaster for ya.” It’s common decency.

I have, at minimum, three coasters at all times on whatever desk or coffee table I’m drinking at. One for my coffee, one for my water, and one for my alcohol (stay hydrated, my friends). I mean, who likes those little wet rings left by your glass when it inevitably melts, spills or gets knocked over by your idiot roommate when his parlay doesn’t hit?

There’s so many options too, it’s not like it’s impossible to get your hands on one of these “magic, table-saving devices.” Cork coasters, tile coasters, even friggen cardboard coasters you get from the bar, they’re free! Take 30 home with you!! There’s no excuse to not have coasters in your house.

Plus, if a chick sees coasters on your table, the odds she might consider sleeping with you go up about 1,400% (it’s science). Class up your place, take a stand with me. Every drink deserves a coaster.

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