The Most American Meal

In honor of the Fourth of July coming up, I’m here to present to you my Mt. Rushmore Meal of America. That’s right, 4 items. The most American meal you can get, starting off with a drink, entree, side and a dessert. If you don’t eat this on the 4th of July, you’re a God damn traitor. Enjoy your salad, bin Laden.

Starting off, to drink, we’re gonna go with a good old Budweiser. But not the regular cans…. The American cans.. The ones that give you a patriotic boner just holding them. No beverage screams Americana more than the Budweiser U.S.A. cans. Just sipping from one makes me want to combat global terrorism.

Next, our entree. What could be more American than a Double Bacon Cheeseburger?

Double the beef, double the pork, double the cheese, this food screams America with the complete and arrogance that we do things bigger and better. I mean just look at this beautiful concoction of straight gluttony and patriotism. Most people in the world would be content with a single burger and a single slice of cheese. But no, no, no, not in the good ol’ US of A. Supersize that shit baby!

Now for side dish, this is a tough one. Everyone knows fries are the classic pairing to burgers. And rightfully so. They’re crispy, fluffy, and salty, the perfect accouterment to a burger. But are they the most American side? Hmmmm. I don’t know. I don’t really see myself eating fries too often at BBQ cookouts or on the beach. When you think about it, fries are incredibly European, I mean they’re literally called “French Fries”. Can’t have the most American meal comprised of a foreign side!! That’s why, I’m going to pull a hot take and say, the most American side dish goes to Onion rings.

Obviously what could be more American than double deep drying vegetables? They’re the perfect side to any American dish and that crispy, crunchy, deep fried goodness really encapsulates America, the rich beauty underneath a gruff exterior.

And finally, what can be more American than finishing off this patriotic meal with a warm slice of apple pie paired with some vanilla ice cream?

Oooh oooh oooh that’s amazingness in a dish right there. What’s better than that soft, warm, squishy inside topped with the sweet, crunchy cinnamon sugar crumbles on top? And that delicious, rich vanilla ice cream melting through the warm pie. It’s a true symbol of America, a melting pot for all (isn’t it?). This meal is the ultimate ode to Americana. From crispy to crunchy to salty to sweet, differences are put aside to make one, beautiful, spectacular meal. And that’s this country in a nutshell. Let’s all embrace our differences this Fourth of July, be like cheeseburgers and apple pie and remember what makes us special.