Several new sports have been added to the Olympic Games this year, including 3×3 basketball, surfing, sport climbing, skateboarding, and karate. Personally, I think this is great. We as a society should always be looking to highlight underrepresented talents, and while we’re at it, why not include a few more? Here are some competitions that I believe should be inserted into the Olympics going forward.
One of the most intense intramural sports out there, dodgeball surely deserves a spot in the Olympic circuit. The rules are simple, yet the consequences are dire. Plus the concussive slo-mo replays would be hilarious.
Tug of War
So it turns out that from 1900 to 1920, tug of war was a legitimate Olympic sport. I would be ecstatic if they brought this competition back, but I’m sure participant steroid usage would be out of control.
Mutton bustin’ is a rodeo game not dissimilar to bull riding. The only difference is that instead of a bull, you’ve got a sheep, and instead of an adult, you’ve got a child. Bull riding would be cool too, but imagine a bunch of sheep trying to buck some insanely athletic kids off their back. Now that’s entertainment.
A game for callused palms, tetherball is where beef was squashed on the playground. I would be over the moon if this game was in the Olympics. I imagine players swatting the ball back and forth at the speed of a trained table tennis or badminton team.
The FitnessGram PACER Test
The nightmare of middle school, this brutal competition truly separated the winners from the losers. Screw track and field, lets get Olympic sprinters on a basketball court and see how many times they can run back and forth before the buzzer calls them out. In all honesty, I think this one would be a real hit with audiences. If anyone knows an email adress for the International Olympic Comittee, feel free to send it my way.