“Short King Spring” Mid-Season Review

Alright, we’re just over halfway through Short King Spring 2022 and as a “vertically-challenged” grown-adult man, I gotta say… it’s as disappointing as ever. I was expecting the heavens to open and us “vertically-challenged” men to be treated for once with the dignity we deserve, (maybe a little random “go off Short King” here and there would be nice). But instead, we’re treated to memes about being flung off a bedspread and constant jokes about how we, quote, “don’t get bitches.” Is it a Napoleon complex? Maybe. But at the end of the day, what was supposed to be our spring, has just turned into another opportunity to make fun of us “short heads.”

It’s all hype… I have yet to experience one benefit from “Short King Spring.” Forget benefits, I haven’t even experienced “equality.” I’m still treated like a second class citizen, purely because I’m under 6ft tall. I go to sit at a baseball game and I can barely see over the massive man in front of me. And as much as I love chicken nuggets, no, I would not like a Happy Meal!

Veterans get discounts at Starbucks, people looking for deals on a luxury SUV can enjoy the “December to Remember” sales event…. I feel like men under 5’8 should at least be able to get 20% off everything during Short King Spring. It’s only fair, right? Any dudes under a certain height at the bar should get free beers for the entire duration from March 20th to June 21st. That’ll really be a way to raise up and celebrate our “short kings.”

When do I actually get to reap any benefits? Everyone talks a big game for “Short King Spring” but unfortunately, it seems like Short King Spring has not lived up to the hype.