Runners Are Psychopaths

This past weekend 50,000 crazy psychopaths blocked traffic and terrorized the streets of Los Angeles and New York with their annual sadist event of running 26.2 miles. They call it a marathon. 

Now the question as to why anyone would willingly run 26.2 miles has stumped psychologists for years. Why would anyone put themselves through such pain and misery? Any kind of running is a form of mental and bodily torture. If we made prisoners of war do this it would literally be considered a war crime. Yet millions of people complete these torture events every year. The logical conclusion is that they’re all psychopaths. 

Psychopaths typically illustrate narcissist behavior. Have you ever met a runner that wasn’t a narcissist? They have to tell about how they’re “a runner” and that they “ran twenty miles this morning while you were still sleeping” just to make you feel shitty about yourself. And anytime they run a race, marathon, 5k, even a children’s race, they have to let everyone know about it. They physically cannot keep it to themselves.

Psychopathic runners will try to tell you that running is fun and that it brings them so much enjoyment. All lies. Don’t believe their propaganda. First of all, there is no enjoyment in running. And second, only a psychopath would find enjoyment in pure misery. 

For the safety of you and your family, stay away from runners. They might look friendly enough on the outside, but on the inside, they are deranged and crazy. Just like your ex-girlfriend. 

All runners are psychopaths. How do I know? I am one. 

Bet you didn’t see that coming. Boom. Plot twist.