Peruvian Skateboarder Slams Nuts into Rail at Olympics

Peru’s very own Angelo Caro Narvaez was the victim of every street skateboarder’s worst nightmare during his skating debut at the Tokyo Olympic games this weekend. After making an attempt on a seperate rail, Narvaez lost control and went nards first into a subsequent metal railing, thus ending his initial run and any chances of procreating in the future.

I think the biggest slap in the face, other than the exploded testicles, was the fact that Narvaez only scored a 1.01 out of 10 on his ball-busting first run. You’d think the judges would sympathize with the kid and give him at least an extra half point for each testicle lost but it seems the panel of judges might’ve been heavily female. Look on the bright side, at least Narvaez won’t have to worry about accidentally knocking up his girlfriend after his public vasectomy. In the end, he might not have walked away with the gold… or any metal at all, but at least he can hold his head high and his now purple nuts low knowing he finished strong, and most likely will never “finish” in his life ever again. Peru better give this kid a freakin’ metal for this one.