People Who Should Do the Milk Crate Challenge

The timeline of self-inflicted-harm viral challenges has arrived at the milk crate challenge.  If you’ve never heard of this before, this challenge entails ascending stacks of milk crates, then successfully descending the other side.  Why is this popular?  Because apparently this is hardest than it looks and people get really fucked up.  (Reference video below.)

The milk crate challenge has introduced a new form of sadistic voyeurism into my life, and now I can’t help but think of the people I would like to see attempt this challenge.  Nothing would bring me more pleasure than watching these people fall off an 8-foot stack of milk crates.

Papa John– Papa John is one of those people the world told to go fuck-off and he just didn’t listen.  Unfortunately the sale of the lowest common-denominator pizza chain in existence has kept this man afloat and somewhat relevant.  To the crates with you Papa.

This Woman-I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you definitely need to try this challenge ASAP.  And please do so with that big smile of yours.

Jake Paul- Jake Paul, please just get fucked up one time for us.  I’ve sat in on countless opportunities to watch the shit getting beat out of you, and I’m still coming up empty handed.  Marginally injure yourself for us so we can stop paying $60 to watch you box.

Timothy Chalamet-I’m convinced this boy/man is incapable of moving faster than a saunter, or speak above a mumble.  Imagining him sizing up this challenge then completely beefing it brings me some type of pleasure. 

Seth Rogen-A once funny Seth Rogen has increasingly become less funny, and annoying as time goes on.  Enough chuckling and bong rips, dude.  Make us laugh.  Go fall off some milk crates for Christ sake.