Nightmare Blunt Rotation

Whether you’re staying in, going out, or essentially getting together in any group scenario, the nightmare blunt rotation is a list of the people you 100% don’t want to be around. We all know people like this, but for the sake of the greater argument, here is a list of individuals from the public eye that are guaranteed to mess up the vibes no matter where you are.

James Corden

A bit too corny/silly-willy for my taste. I imagine this guy taking a hit from the blunt and immediately jumping up to dance and spin around – inevitable knocking shit over while everyone else is just trying to watch a movie. Keep the karaoke in your car dude.

Tucker Carlson

Once again, not someone who is going to add anything positive to the squad. Nothing sounds worse than getting stoned and having Tucker back you into a cornered debate about critical race theory or whiny liberals when I’m just trying to grab a Hot Pocket out of the freezer.

David Dobrik

100% David Dobrick is trying to prank you or film some shit when you’re just trying to relax in a hazy living room. The blunt stops every time it gets to him because he’s live-streaming and cackling into his phone with that oversized plastic-looking smile of his. Then he invites a bunch of D-list celebrity YouTubers to your place just to raid your fridge and do TikTok dances.

The Cat in the Hat

Possibly to most literal ‘nightmare’ of the group, the Cat in the Hat is definitely on some stronger shit than everyone else at the party. Likewise, he’s probably giving out blunts laced with PCP as he jumps across your furniture and countertops, absolutely wrecking the place. In the book, it was cute. In the movie, it was creepy. In real life – this guy’s gotta go.

Han Mi-nyeo (Squid Game)

If you’ve seen Squid Game on Netflix you know what I’m getting at here. This woman loves to run her mouth and make everyone around her uncomfortable, while simultaneously believing that she is always the greatest person in the room. The more she talks, the more agitated and paranoid the rest of the squad is going to get. Hence, she’s getting booted from the team.

Ellen Degeneres

Listen, this is all a joke, but I feel like Ellen is the person freaking out in the corner while everyone is enjoying the high around her. She’s going to stay quietly trapped in her thoughts for 45 minutes, and then suddenly burst out claiming that she needs to go to the hospital for a heart attack or some weed-related panic. Plus, the more people try and calm her down, the more hysterical and aggressive she gets. 10/10 uninvited to the next sesh.

Mona Lisa (Parks and Recreation)

Her voice alone is enough to give all the homies migraines. Mona Lisa is definitely the person who steals some of your shut before leaving, and then throws a category five meltdown when you ask her about it. You can uninvite her or try to stay away, but she’s going to hop your fence, break your window, and do whatever it takes to ruin everyone’s good time.

Caillou

Yes, Caillou is a little young, but let’s imagine the kind of person he’s going to grow up to be. Due to a lack of discipline during his childhood, Caillou believes he is entitled to whatever he wants. Furthermore, if he’s still bald as a grown-up, everyone is bound to get paranoid wondering why, but no one is going to set him off by asking.