Matthew McConaughey’s Message to American’s This Independence Day

A couple days ago we as American’s celebrated the birth of this nation.  The 4^th of July like most other national holidays is for the most part appreciated through leisure. It’s a great day to crack a few beers, throw a couple dogs on the grill and turn up that Creedence.  But again, like most holidays we celebrate in this country, the true meaning of the day is sometimes lost in the haze of a daytime blackout.  The 4^th of July is a time for reflection, a time to think about where we as a nation’s people came from, and where we are going.  No one, and I mean no one, understands this better than Matthew McConaughey.

On this past Independence Day, McConaughey took to social media to remind American’s across the board, that America is going through puberty.  “We are going to go through growing pains.” McConaughey claims in his beautifully crafted analogy.  Well said, Matt.

McConaughey like many other celebrities have shown, really understand their own worth to the American people.  Years of being ogled by sexually suppressed middle aged women, and wetting panties with his smoldering slack-jawed banter have given him the credentials to sit America down and tell them to their face what’s really going on. 

These are the voices we need to hear when we have nowhere else to turn.  This past year during the COVID-19 pandemic, 19-year old millionaires and former celebrity-sex tape celebrities reminded us that they are here for us.  Its clear in this country, when times get tough, we turn to those we can trust the most; the most attractive people in our society.

McConaughey realizes this.  He understands just how important his rockin’ bod and cowboy boots are to the American people.  In the video, McConaughey posits that issues we face in our country today are just simply the growing pains of a young country going through adolescence.  I imagine this thought came to him in a moment of solitude, “You know, I didn’t always have these washboard abs and puka-shell necklace.  I used to be ugly, I mean normal.  America just hasn’t gotten their sexy bod or cool guy puka’s yet.”

Well Matt, I think I speak for all American’s when I say, god bless you sir.  I truly never thought about our country’s history in that way, and it has REALLY opened my eyes.  I want to make certain, that the next holiday and/or national tragedy that occurs we get Matthew McConaughey on live TV in front of the whole country to settle our minds, and soil our panties.