Man consumes “beer-only” diet for Lent

Ahhh Lent, that time of the year when every good Christian is supposed to give up something for forty days in order to “be one” with Christ’s sacrifice. I mean everyone knows foregoing the occasional Pringles tube now and then is just as equivalent to getting crucified on a cross for the salvation of humanity, right?

While that’s all nice and dandy, an Ohio man might’ve found a loophole for the perfect Lenten sacrifice. Dell Hall decided he was going to give up food for Lent. Pretty intense… forty days with no food whatsoever, seems like pretty heavy endeavor. But that’s not all. He’s replaced it with a beer-only diet.

That’s right, Dell’s spending all of Lent getting Lit for Jesus and I don’t think I’ve ever met a smarter man. Seriously, if Christianity is the only religion where I can successfully get away with consuming only beer for forty days, then sign me up. Serve God and drink beer nonstop? I’m in. Nobody can argue with you for being a degenerate alcoholic when you say that you’re doing it “for God.” This man’s a genius.

Apparently it’s working for weight loss too, as Dell has reportedly lost 25 pounds with the “diet.” I don’t necessarily see how exactly that would work as every time I drink exclusively beer I bloat up and feel like a GoodYear blimp for the next 72 hours, but good for Dell. Maybe I’ll join him. Yeah, for all of Holy Week leading up to Easter, I won’t have a single shred of food. Instead I’ll be replacing it with Hard Seltzer and Topo Chico Ranch Waters, you know. Like God would’ve wanted.

Praise God, drink beer.