Gentlemen, it’s that time of year. The time where we must bring into question all that makes us human, including the the urge to bust a nut. Once again, it’s no nut November. A time of year where the weak become the strong and the strong become the legendary. An entire month dedicated to complete abstinence, foreign and domestic. A month where blue balls are not only encouraged, they’re mandatory. No nut November is upon us and for those of you who participate, I wish you godspeed.
Not every man is brave enough to take on this month long challenge. In fact, most who face the uphill battle that is NNN will stumble and fall. Maybe a sexy bus bench ad catches our eye or we look at a bowed tree the wrong way and see something that is just enough to bring temptation to reality. But I urge those of us who take on this challenge to remember why you did so in the first place… THE GLORY.
Some will tease you. Some will laugh at your expense. But I say to you, laugh at them in silence, for they are the weak ones who wouldn’t dare face the beast known as no nut November. For those of you who want to learn what kind of man you really are I challenge you these 30 days to join the brethren that have earned the title of absolute November simp. For we are the few, but the proud.
Delete your bookmarked favorite porn videos, throw away the lotion we all know you didn’t buy to “moisturize”, and stay away from any Ryan Reynolds films for the love of God. It’s going to be a long, cold November. But I promise you, when the clock strikes midnight you will rise the next morrow of December 1st knowing two things: You’re a man amongst men… and your balls will never be bluer in your life. Good luck, gentlemen.