Many questions have plagued mankind since our history was first documented. Is there a God? What happens when we die? And of course, is the Kool-Aid man the jar in which the Kool-Aid resides, or simply the juice itself? This last question has puzzled scientists and scholars since the incarnation of the jolly red mascot many decades ago. From one question, so many other philosophical curiosities can stem new questions of our own existence.
Let’s say he’s simply the jar. Sure, this is the most straight forward answer between the two. But if he’s filled with some other delicious beverage is he still the Kool-Aid man, or does he become something else? Maybe the Fanta-Fella or the Lemonade-Lad (holy shit these names suck). If he’s empty is he just Jerry the Jar? With this Socratic challenge in mind, it becomes obvious he is more than just a jar. Far more.
But if he’s not the jar, then is he simply the juice? This too plagues us with a challenge. If he’s simply the juice, does that mean whatever vessel contains him becomes the Kool-Aid man? With this logic, anyone who consumes him would become him. He would possess us, take control with his sugary goodness and slowly use us as a human jar to replace the glass container he was once bound to. With this in mind it’s clear not only is he not just the juice, but we should be goddamn glad he doesn’t have that power to take over.
Back in 2020 the Kool-Aid man himself tweeted an explanation for the phenomenon of curiosity surrounding his existence by answering that he’s simply both. Without one, there is no other. Seems simple, but I’m not easily fooled. I challenge you all to dig deeper, but protect yourselves with a VPN or something so nobody figures out you’ve been snooping around where your nose shouldn’t be stuck. Something’s fishy here. There’s more to this creature than a jar and juice. One day I will find what makes him tick and when I do, I’ll expose it for the world to see. P.S. if this is my last post, know it wasn’t me, but the Kool-Aid I just drank that possessed me to disappear. I’m sorry, but it’s just too delicious not to.