Ahhh, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s right, with Christmas around the corner comes Christmas light season. There’s nothing better than driving through the neighborhood and admiring all the beautiful Christmas light setups. But year after year, I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend. For some reason, there’s been an increase in the ridiculous amount of inflatable Santas and “bubbly snowmen” just littering front lawns across America. Gone are the days of the classy candlestick in the window, whereas now we’re treated to a twelve foot tall blow-up snowglobe and candy cane. And I’m here to say it, those decorations shouldn’t count as decorations at all… they’re merely a cop out for the work that goes in to putting up actual lights.
I mean, what are we doing here? What’s the deal with all the ugly inflatables? Can we all agree that they are so ridiculously tacky and just an incredible detriment to what otherwise would be a classy and festive light display?!? Is it that hard to put up real Christmas lights anymore? Why is everyone so eager to just throw an inflatable Santa on the ground and plug it in instead of taking the effort to properly put up good looking, respectable lights? Is it the peak of human laziness? Do people have no shame? Are you not embarrassed that your front yard looks like a Chuck E Cheese?
Get your ass up on a ladder and hang up real lights, like a grown up. And so help me God if you use one of those LED machines that projects neon lights all over the place like you’re in a laser tag arena. That might be even more tacky than the inflatable reindeer. Keep it simple, keep it classy. There’s no reason for your front lawn to look like a used car dealership. Also, as a good Catholic boy, I’m a firm believer in putting a wreath or a Nativity of some sort out on the lawn. I mean, tis the reason for the season, right?