March 31, 2023

The Tap Daily

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I registered to run a 5K, now what?

female and male runners on a marathon

Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU on

As part of a new year’s resolution, I was thinking to myself, “what could I do to better myself?” It’s always good to eat healthier, get in a little better shape, but those are so abstract. Sure, everyone says that, but nobody actually ever follows through. Then I thought to myself, “marathon, I could run a marathon!” Then I went back to reality and was like, “who are you kidding, you’re not running a marathon.” So then I had the thought… “I could run a 5K, I think?” I looked it up, and sure enough the LA 5K runs on March 19th and I registered right then and there. No questions, asked.

female and male runners on a marathon
Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU on

Problem is I’m not a runner, at all. I can go maybe half a mile jog without having to pause, bend over with my hands on my knees, and catch my breath while praying to God the lightheadedness goes away and I can feel my thighs again. Ask any of my former, short-lived romantic partners, my stamina’s never been great. I have a stellar start and then spontaneously combust about a half hour earlier than any decent man should be proud of. Bottom line is, I have no clue how to run a 5k.

I don’t even know how long 5k actually is. But enough people do them where it has to be pretty manageable, right? Then again, I would’ve never imagined the amount of people who willingly and voluntarily run marathons. 26 miles?!? Who the fuck in their right mind would do that? I’ve never trained for anything in my life. I have no idea on the best way to go about getting myself prepared for this. Just run? right? Just run and don’t stop until the little screen on my wrist vibrates and tells me, “it’s all over, you’ll be okay, sweet boy… you’ll be okay.”

Don’t runners carbo load? Maybe I’ll just eat A LOT of pasta before and after. This thing apparently starts around 7 am, so a 5:30 Carbonara doesn’t really seem like the breakfast of champions, but who knows? It just might be. Maybe I need a running partner, someone to run with and keep me motivated. No, that’s too embarrassing.

I think I’ll just go for a run and just see where it takes me…. tomorrow.

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