It’s National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day and I Easily Have the Best One

Let me light up the runway and show you something from my personal collection. It’s national ugly Christmas sweater day and nobody’s topping what I’ve got hanging in my closet. Ugly Christmas sweaters have long evolved since the days of simple light up reindeer noses or talking Santas on your chest. Now kids these days have gotten lazy with simple movie references like Step Brothers quotes or The Big Lebowski pictures, but not me. No sir. I’ve transcended laziness and gone straight to immaturity.

Remember the giant hulking black guy sitting on the edge of his bed with his dick out? That’s right, the notorious Barry Wood (R.I.P.) is the thematic representation for my holly jolly Christmas sweater. This thing isn’t ugly, it’s hung like a moose. Don’t worry though PC police, his dick isn’t out for the carolers to see. Covering his “wood” is a wrapped Christmas present which changes anyone looking at my sweater from horny to wholesome.

I mean look at this thing! Does this not spell out “I love Christmas” to you? Now I realize it pretty much has nothing to do with Christmas, but with the addition of the “package” between his legs I’d say this is the most Christmas any ugly sweater I’ll ever buy can get. So if you’re looking for a fun festive outfit to wear at this year’s family Christmas dinner, consider buying one of these bad boys. I’m sure grandma will love it.