Flow… What is flow, fellas? Is it simply a haircut? Is it a personality, a lifestyle? It’s all three, boys. Flow is a status that women want and men want to have. It’s an obvious way to show women you’ve actually got a decent set of locks that aren’t running for the hills anytime soon (sorry fellas who are already on the Bruce Willis level), but it’s more than just proof of the genetic perfection for a luscious mane. It shows a shear will to attain an unmatched and difficult style only those who are either very driven or extremely lazy can attain.
Now the flow isn’t for everyone. That’s right, some girls prefer a man who’s clean cut, closely shaved and has absolutely no will to choose for themselves because the women I’m describing who don’t like the flow are going to control ever aspect of your life if you start by letting them tame the biotin beast. Release the flow, boys. Let it go and let it flow. Waves aren’t just for the beach, they’re for creating the most lethal lettuce factories known to man.
The desire to grow the flow is the easy part. But the mountain one must climb in order to obtain the greatest haircut known to man has seen many men fall. Some give into the fear of looking ridiculous, and then there’s those who don’t know the right way to create the perfect blank barber canvas to sculpt the perfect locks. So for those of you with the drive, the will, and the desire to climb the Everest of cosmetic mountains for men, here’s an easy guide to growing perfect flow.
Step 1: GROW IT OUT! – Yes! It’s that simple guys! Just grow your fucking hair, nothing more. You’re going to go through “clean cut withdrawals” when you start to see the corporate supercuts style slowly disappear into the weeds that will make up your growing mane. Once you’ve started to lose the shape of your old haircut and it all starts to sort of just look “shaggy” you’re on the right track.
Step 2: The Awkward Stage – This is that mountain I was speaking of in the beginning of this article. The one that separates the men from… well… the men with flow, I guess. I cant tell you how many times I’ve personally chickened out in the awkward stage and made a quick trip to Supercuts just to regret bailing on my flow campaign completely.
Obviously you’re going to look pretty ridiculous in this stage of the flow growth. Remember, your hair’s still unevenly shaped from your older haircut style which means most parts will be uneven, some will be textured the wrong way, and you might even look like a fucking moron from the right angles. Fight through it! Why dudes can’t just have the fuckin’ foresight to see the flow at the end of the tunnel I’ll never fully understand, but when you finally are able to make that confidence breakthrough I promise you the grass is greener on the other side.
The awkward stage is all mental. Trust me when I say you don’ look that bad at this point, dude. Just invest in a few hats you won’t mind wearing for a few months, stop washing your hair so much and let the natural oils curl that shit into a nice set of semi-lettuce. You got this, fellas.
Step 3: Maintenance Cut – I know how this sounds. “Cut it?! You just told me to grow it out!” Yeah, I did. But remember when I said your old haircut style’s gonna destroy any chance at the perfect head of lettuce? Yeah, shut up and hear me out for a second. This is part of the process, fellas. Once your hair reaches a decently long length you meed to go to a hair stylist that knows how to shape a flow-like haircut and trust the process.
The more length you have the less they’ll have to chop off to shape it evenly and the shorter the time period between this step and the next will be. Now you might look a little silly with an even throughout haircut, but much like the awkward stage you just have to commit. Trust me when I say if you’ve passed the maintenance cut hurdle you’re essentially on the fast track to flow. Keep wearing that hat and let your hair do its thing.
Step 4: WELCOME TO FLOW CITY! – Months have gone by since your maintenance cut. It’s a sunny day, the birds are chirping and you go to the bathroom to wash your face. When your dry your face and finally look up at the mirror you see it… THE FLOW! Your head, surrounded by a biblical golden glow, has sprouted the most beautiful leafy goodness you’ve ever had in your life.
Thanks to that maintenance shaping cut you got a few months ago everything’s even and peeling off left and right. You’ve done it. A year later and you’ve finally got the haircut you’ve always wanted. At this point all you have to worry about it not washing your hair too regularly and getting an occasional maintenance cut, but at its current length and shape those will strictly be to lighten things up and tame the hair beast you’ve grown.
Congrats, boys. You’ve arrived in flow city and not only are they welcoming you with open arms… you’re the fucking mayor. Enjoy the flow. Oh, and you’re welcome.