Drinking games are the pinnacle of competitive contests, combining skill, strategy, and sheer drinking athleticism. It takes the heart of a champion to compete in these games but not all games are created equal.
University of Colorado students, who asked that their names not be used, play a game of beer die on University Hill on Friday afternoon. The students said to be good neighbors they always store the table away when they are not using it. Paul Aiken Staff Photographer August 26, 2016
Beer Die. Before you frat bros come for my head, hear me out. Beer die takes way too long! Scientifically, a drinking game should not last longer than ten minutes. It’s science. “But it’s fun.” Shut up. No, it isn’t. You’re throwing yourself in the dirt trying to catch dice. Dice! And of all the drinking games, you drink the least playing this one, so what’s even the point?
Kings. Has too many fucking rules. How is anyone supposed to remember which card makes you drink and which makes you rhyme like Dr.—fucking—Suess? It’s a party foul to play a drinking game that complicated. And you really expect a rowdy group of drunk idiots to take turns carefully pulling cards? This game sucks so bad it drives me to drink.
Beer Pong. You low-key have to be an athlete to play this one. The first few minutes are fun, but like beer die, after ten minutes of carrying your partner, it’s time to wrap it up and accept you’ll never sink the last cup. You’re not Kobe.
Rage Cage aka Stack Cup. There are few perfect things in this world and rage cage is one of them. It’s easy enough to learn on the fly and you’ll drink enough to blackout and forget that you actually tried to tell me beer die was better.
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