Happy National Singles Day

To all my fellow disappointments to their family members for being single in their mid twenties, today is the day to celebrate our independence… and by independence I mean lack of relationships. Happy National Singles day to everyone who’s been dumped, virgins since birth, and just plain pathetic when it comes to pickup up some ass.

But don’t be discouraged. Today is a day for us to go wild and potentially change our status. Today’s a day to get absolutely trashed, go to your nearest watering hole and hit on every single person you find attractive, no matter if their accompanied by a companion. National singles day is a day of numbers. The buck shot approach will always hit something, even if that something has a lazy eye and 12 fingers.

At this point, do you care? YOU’RE SINGLE! “When are you gonna give me some grandkids?” I swear to God if I hear this one more time from my mother I will put her in a retirement home and throw away the key. The grandkids aren’t coming anytime soon because when you’re single hot guy summer is year round, baby! Grab a drink, grab an ass, grab yourself and celebrate being free. To all my kings and queens… HAPPY NATIONAL SINGLES DAY! Sponsored by Trojan Condoms.