Happy National Iguana Awareness Day

Well well well…. Today marks one of America’s most insane holidays: National Iguana Awareness Day. This just goes to show you that there is probably a day for everything. Of all things, iguanas? I mean yeah they are reasonably cool but a whole day devoted for this? Listen, I don’t make the rules here but wtf.

Iguanas are interesting, but only because they are so rare. If you know someone who has an iguana you are a rare breed, literally. There are an estimated 200,000 iguanas left in the entire world. Does this warrant a national day of recognition? I think not but here are some fun facts about these apparently interesting creatures:

1. Iguanas hate the cold – no shit, a lot of animals hate the cold
2. Iguanas can swim – no shit, a lot of animals can swim
3. Iguanas can live up to 20 years old – Sea Turtles can live 200 years so thats stupid
4. They can shed their skin and tails – so can all lizards and snakes, big deal
5. They fall out of trees – yes, that is literally a “fun fact” about iguanas….. literally any animal that is in a tree can fucking fall out of the tree

I don’t know about you and I’ll admit iguanas are reasonably chill but I don’t at all believe these things deserve an entire day of recognition. If one of their fun facts is that they fall out of trees then I want nothing to do with them. I can fall out of a tree. therefore, I say June 17th is now national JP has a huge dick day. You’re welcome.