Gentlemen, today’s the day where anyone who utters the phrase “toxic masculinity” is fair game to slap across the face. It’s International Men’s Day, a day to remember and appreciate all the wildly important things men across the world and history have done and continue to do for mankind. As a man you should absolutely be celebrating yourself and any men in your family today with the manliest activities possible.
Obviously at one point you need to be drinking some alcohol. Shotgun a beer or two and right after you finish, don’t forget to yell “MEN”. To make the day more tribal and manly go meet up with a group of your guy friends only. Sorry ladies, it’s boys only today. No girls allowed, only MEN. Make sure you guys spend the day peeing wherever you want, breaking random shit just because it looks cool, moving a couch or two because you can and of course continuously yelling “MEN” together when you complete any remotely manly task.
If you go out tonight you’re not goin’ home with some random chick. You’re going home with MEN. Obviously you don’t have to sleep with them (unless you want to), but if you catch any of your buddies calling their girlfriends over or bringing home some girl from the bar make sure to ridicule him without mercy and remind them it’s International Men’s Day. So go round up the boys, grab some beers, tell the girls to fuck off for the night and have a wet and wild International Men’s Day. Get after it, boys.