Granny’s Getting It On: How STD Rates in Senior Homes are Skyrocketing

Seems like bingo night’s not the only time granny’s screaming these days. According to the CDC’s annual Sexually Transmitted Disease Service Report, STI rates among senior citizens age 50+ are skyrocketing to unheard of levels. I’m not kidding, pappy’s raw dogging more than a frat kid in the freshman dorms. That’s right… old people are putting up bigger body counts than the legend Johnny Sins himself, thus proving why they’ll always be the “greatest generation.”

Why are STI rates skyrocketing for seniors? It’s because people over 50+ have gone through menopause and andropause already, so the risk of having a kid is slim to none. And with old man Raw Hide trying every move in the Kama Sutra on granny down the hall, that old case of Syphilis is bound to flare up and spread like a bad joke.

Don’t be mistaken, though. STI rates among elderly people are still the lowest out of any age group. College-aged kids will always be the reigning champs of raw dogging, but grandma and grandpa are making a huge come from behind effort to catch us slippin’. So for all you elders out there: Keep piping… Just wrap it up next time.