Its the best time of year. Its finally starting to warm up and its golf season. We’ve waited long enough and its fucking go time and the boys couldn’t be more stoked to get back out there with plenty of sunlight to finish 18 holes. But here is the shitty part. We all have that one friend that fucking sucks to golf with. Here is a power ranking for all the dudes you don’t want to get stuck on a course with.
First is the “I killed it earlier on the range” guy. This is the dude that always swings at 100% power when he definitely shouldn’t. This guy always has terrible contact and has the one or two drives a round that somehow manages to find a fairway. I know a couple guys like this that spray the ball all over the fucking track and claim they were striping them on the range. Like for sure dude, you have 2 fairways in regulation and your about to tee off on 18 but I’m sure you had a great ball flight with the range balls that have taken more damage than a punching bag.
There’s always that guy who consistently has to look in the wrong fairway because their accuracy is worse than any drunk guy taking a piss. For Christ’s sake just take a 5 iron off the tee if that means you hit the fairway. But don’t make excuses saying your range shots were good when clearly they sucked anyways.
Next is the “I can get it there guy”. No dude, your 325 yards away in the rough on a par 5 and the other group is putting. If you get it there I’m pretty sure you’d be a tour regular. In reality, your just gonna over swing and end up in the green side bunker…… best case scenario. There just isn’t any way that guy gets it there. Maybe 1 time in 15 rounds. The worst part is if he somehow gets it there he thinks it’ll happen more often. It just won’t. I had to wait for a buddy to approach the green from 330 with a god damn 5 wood and I wanted to kill him. He chunked it about 35 yards because he might have hit 3% of the ball. Honestly it was pretty impressive.
The next guy might be the worst. Anyone who takes more than 2 practice swings is a total douche and they should be shot in the face at least. At most its 2 and thats even a lot for me. Just get up there and hit the ball. Especially if you’re having a day don’t make the whole group wait for you to take 7 practice sings and then miss the fairway. Evan if you play for money its just unacceptable to take more then 10 seconds to hit the fucking ball. Its just a ball, you hit it and then walk up and hit it again. Thats the point. Also, putting is included. I don’t care if the putt is for $50, just look at the break and hit the ball. Any more than 30 seconds on the green should be illegal. Im serious.
lastly, is the guy that always uses the typical golf quotes own each and every shot. You always run into a guy who says “Oh, you’re gonna love that” and in reality you’d be lucky to keep it in the rough let alone hit a fairway. Or the guy that says “it opens up over there”. Newsflash bro, it probably doesn’t open up over there and if it does it has to be OB. us keep it to real comments and let me know if it was bad or good. Its not that hard to just say nice shot. I’d rather you just tell me that the shot sucked and not have to hear “Gotta hold of that one” on an 115 yard approach shot with backspin. Yes, I’ve heard that on a shot with a 56 degree wedge.