February 2, 2023

The Tap Daily

The Tap Daily is a West Coast based pop culture and entertainment website that features humorous and quick reading articles to keep you up to speed on daily news.

nuts in round white bowl

Photo by David Disponett on Pexels.com

brown nuts
Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on Pexels.com

That’s right, I said it. Being allergic to certain foods is the biggest crock of shit in our lifetimes. For centuries, people would eat anything they could, build up immunity, and continue enjoying their shellfish like normal functioning adults. But now, nobody can eat anything because we as humans have devolved so far to the point that any sniff of a treenut would swell your throat shut tighter than a nun’s legs.

Sure, the first couple times you try eggs, or dairy or gluten, it might rock your stomach and send you over the toilet for a while, but hey… just toughen up and eat the damn food. You’ll live.

Did anybody ever think to cure a nut allergy the same way we cure Covid? Get the vaccine!! Eat the damn nuts! I mean, isn’t this just how vaccines work?!?! It’s basic science, right? Give yourself a little of the bad thing and then your body will be able to deal with it? From a pre-school age, I vote we forcefeed every child with a nut allergy an entire jug of Planters, and we’ll be out of this mess in no time.

Food allergies basically have a direct correlation with helicopter parents. Growing up, I knew a kid named Joshua. And Joshua was allergic to EVERYTHING. Couldn’t have wheat, couldn’t have dairy, and God forbid this kid was near a legume. And you know what else? His mother didn’t let him eat anything either. Only whatever soul-less, tasteless, allergen deprived crap he could bare to shovel down. If we didn’t have helicopter parents protecting their kids from every little allergen that crossed their plates, we’d have a whole generation of people whose stomachs didn’t implode after eating gluten. Because now, we have to deal with that one asshole on the flight who has a peanut allergy and now NOBODY can enjoy a salty mid-flight snack.

JUST EAT IT!! Deal with it, your body will get stronger. You will become invincible. No nut or speck of gluten will ever dare fuck with you again.

%d bloggers like this: