It’s Fight Night Friday, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome back to the place where we put some of the most famous people known to mankind and throw them in the ring for 12 potential rounds of chaos. Last episode we watched as a bunch of kindergarteners defeated 2 homeless people with almost concerning ease, but this week’s pairing may not be so evenly split. So finally, let’s ask the question we’ve all been waiting for! Who would win in a fight, Chris Brown or OJ Simpson?
FIGHTING! Out of the red corner, standing at 6’1″ and weighing in at 157 lbs. Fighting out of Tappahannock, Virginia… CHRIS BROWN! Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Breezy just jumped in the ring and for absolutely no reason at all he’s PISSED. While everyone typically knows this hip hop legend for his early 2000’s hits like “kiss kiss” or “look at me now,” another large portion of the population remembers him for beating more than one of his girlfriends, including bad girl RiRi. Scummy, I know but due to his absolutely rail thin stature Chris’s X-factor will most definitely be his uncontrollable temper. Combined with his 6’1″ stature, his reach and rage may get him to later rounds with ease.
Our next opponent… FIGHTING! Out of the blue corner, standing at 6’1″ and weighing in at 212 lbs. Fighting out of San Francisco, California… OJ “THE JUICE” SIMPSON! Folks, The Juice is loose once again and he’s got one thing on his mind besides creepily staring at the ring girls: Pummel Chris Brown’s face in. Now technically The Juice is innocent of all charges related to the killing of his ex wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her lover, but much like his abusive opponent OJ Simpson is an extremely abusive piece of human shit.
As a well built football legend with years of experience taking hit after hit, Simpson has a massive advantage in both size and power. The only downfall he has is discipline, meaning we think he could potentially try to murder Chris Brown with some sort of shank or deadly weapon he’s hidden in his corner. Regardless, The Juice is not leaving until someone’s blood is spilled on the canvas tonight.
So how does this one go? I mean, you seriously couldn’t’ figure this one out? It’s clearly an easy win as OJ Simpson stabs Chris Brown over 25 times late in round 2 in a fit of rage. With absolutely no evidence at all to back his claim, Simpson brandished a shank, as we expected, accused Chris Breezy of sleeping with his current girlfriend, and brutally stabbed him. Don’t worry, Chris is alive, but he’s a loser in tonight’s bought as Mr. Juice runs away with an easy victory and the title of tonight’s winner in FIGHT NIGHT FRIDAYS!