Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another installment of FIGHT NIGHT FRIDAYS! It’s been some time since we last pit two celebrities against each other in a 12 round pound for pound death match, so we decided to get a little clever with our next round of contestants. Long has the world of daytime television been battled over by talk show reruns, but these two fighters are the OG interview styled television hosts of the 21 century. Though they both dominated in their time, only one can go home with the title of daytime television champion. So let’s ask the question: Who would win in a fight, Oprah or Dr. Phil?
In the blue corner… FIGHTING! Out of Kosciusko, Mississippi. Standing at 5’7″ and weighing in at 150 lbs. Oprah “The Executioner” Winfrey! When it comes to talk shows, it doesn’t get any better than Oprah. The queen of women’s television once dominated primetime charts, bringing on celebrities from all walks of life and giving entire audiences cars. But how does this translate to her fighting game? Lest you forget Oprah’s a Miss. girl that’s been through some shit. She’s resilient, scrappy and her standup game is unmatched compared to other female hosts. You think Ellen DeGeneres stands a chance against an Oprah uppercut? Fuck no.
In the red corner… FIGHTING! Out of Vinita, Oklahoma. Standing at 6’3″ and weighing in at 230 lbs. Dr. Phil McGraw! The mustache is loose, so get the fuck outta the way because ol’ Philly boy ain’t stoppin’ til’ he tastes Oprah tears. Dr. Phil’s easily has a massive size advantage in this fight, but we didn’t say this one would be a clean fistfight. Sure Phil’s 6’3″, but does that matter when you get a lead pipe to the knee? It’s on, people!
Round 1 starts off crazy with Oprah bringing out a golf club and Dr. Phil brandishing brass knuckles. Dr. Phil yells “catch me outside, how bout’ dat?” To which Oprah replies “I’m gonna ride that mustache until you’re unconscious.” Immediately blood is drawn when Oprah clocks Philly boy in the nose with her 9 iron, only to get socked right back in the stomach with 2 inches of metal knuckles. As the fight goes into the next couple of rounds it gets even crazier. Phil pulls Oprah’s hair but when she reaches for his all she gets is a handful of slick scalp. Finally Philson figures out the strategy to avoiding the 9 iron and suplexes Oprah to the canvas.
With a quick follow up of a ground and pound he quickly overpowers and beats his opponent to a pulp. It’s an early round 3 knockout win for Dr. Phil McGraw, but Oprah gets the last laugh when she slashes Phil’s tires in the parking lot afterward. Do I smell a rematch?