The image below displaying an assortment of chocolate candies has been making the rounds on Twitter and it’s got me thinking – how do these Halloween behemoths stack up against one another? So stick around as I get disrespectful and rank these nut-allergy-nightmares from best to worst.
I mean how can you go wrong here? This delicious candy bar finds an immaculate balance of crunch, chocolate, and caramel all in one package. And speaking of the package, you’re typically looking at a two-for-one deal here, or better yet – a four-for-one! That is unless you’ve got the bite-size chocolate bar variety pack, and even then, Twix is the best option in the bunch.
Milky Way bars are far too slept on. In my opinion, there are few treats that can surpass the nougaty goodness inside. Plus, once you add in a layer of caramel within the chocolate coating, there’s not much that can outdo this gem.
I will take Peanut M&M’s over their basic counterpart any day of the week. Not only do the peanuts add that extra level of nut-induced crunch, but they make the candies bigger as well, leading to a more satisfying consumption experience.
Mad that Snickers is number four? Well get over yourself. These things are great, don’t get me wrong, but personally, I feel like the bar overdoes it with the peanuts. The flavor combinations in a Snickers bar are great, but you don’t want to risk busting an incisor while trying to satisfy your hunger. Also, they have some pretty sus-looking veins on top, if you catch my drift.
A delicious chocolate peanut butter cup that is hard to beat in its salty-sweet flavor combo. They’re great on their own, and are even better when chopped up and added to ice cream. The creaminess of Reese’s is also its downfall, as eating more than one of these devils is likely to induce a gnarly toothache.
Decent candy bar. Both smooth and crunchy, no one can complain when eating a Kit Kat bar. The thing is, Kit Kats are pretty average amongst their competition. Break me off a piece of that mediocre ass candy.
Here come the pitchforks. I’m pretty sure Almond Joys are universally hated amongst children worldwide. I for one despised finding them in my Halloween stash as a kid. However, as I grew older, I began to appreciate and enjoy the taste of coconut. While the almond itself doesn’t do much for me, these candy bars have redeemed themselves in my book.
I lost a tooth from a Baby Ruth bar as a kid, and I’ve been holding a grudge ever since. These things take what Snickers has and crank it up to eleven in terms of sheer dental danger. If I wanted this many peanuts I would go buy a bag of Planters and leave this crown-crushing candy bar on the shelf where it belongs.
Butterfinger is the worst chocolate bar of all time, period. I don’t know how they make these things so brittle and yet so painful to eat at the same time. The thin layer of chocolate on a Butterfinger does absolutely nothing to mask what chewing on aluminum foil must feel like. So rejoice Butterfinger lovers, because my fingers ain’t going anywhere near that shit.