Drink Review: The Borg

Just over a week ago one of our contributors, Brockwell, wrote a convincing article about the future of low-calorie drinking: The Borg. As an alcohol enthusiast and future 6-pack having individual, I decided to take his recipe and try it for myself. The beauty of the Borg is in it’s simplicity… All you need is a gallon of water, a fifth of vodka and a Mio water enhancer (I recommend strawberry watermelon). Not only is this as easy as drinking can get, but it’s also a great economic choice when you’re trying to get trashed on a budget.

After gathering all of your Borg supplies, the first step is drinking half of the gallon of water. This part’s not too hard but may take some time for those of you with the stomach capacity of a small child. After slamming the water, simply pour the entire fifth of vodka into the gallon jug and then dump the whole Mio container in as well. When all of the ingredients are finally together, shake it up and start slamming.

Now when I say I was shocked, I fucking mean I was completely shocked at how easy this stuff was to drink. You can’t taste a single drop of the vodka, it’s actually crazy. I decided to pour the Borg into a glass with some ice which actually added even more eventual water to it and put the Borg jug in the fridge so it would chill. If you’re feeling classy I recommend pouring your Borg into a wine glass, occasionally swirling it and holding your pinky up.

It’s important to note that you will be regularly getting up to use the restroom due to the high volume of water, but I promise you all the Borg is worth the trips to the potty. As for waking up the next day, the hangover honestly wasn’t too bad. All the water and the lack of sugar in the drink makes Borg a great go-to-drink to avoid the two day hangover you might otherwise get. All in all, Borg was awesome, and more importantly hilarious to drink while yelling “BORG” every 5 seconds to remind everyone around you that you’re on the Borg. “I can’t go to work, I’m Borging” or “I wanna Borg my face off” will become regular phrases for you and your friends once you try this hilariously named, but impressively effective cocktail.