Drake’s New Excuse for Going Bald… COVID

Look’s like we’ve got a new excuse for losing hair besides shitty genes, fellas. Thanks to famed rapper, Drake, it seems there’s yet another, uncontrollable cause of hair loss and it’s spreading at a pandemic level: COVID-19. That’s right, gentlemen, according to Dr. Drake hair loss is now on the long list of COVID’s long term effects, though it’s yet to be even remotely hinted at by any respectable doctor.

The only reasonable possibility of losing hair after COVID would be from the fever, but unless Drake was in the ICU with a 14 degree temperature his reason for slowly losing his “trademarked” hairline is completely stupid. 4 out of 5 doctors laughed at this excuse, which is a good enough ratio for me to say this is the most bullshit excuse for a thinning hairline I’ve ever heard.

Just suck it up, Mr. Drake. Most of us guys have accepted the fact that we’ll probably be on the fast track to bald by the age of 35, so quit blaming a flu-like pandemic on slowly losing your precious hairline or do what LeBron did and cover that shit up with a sweatband til it really becomes a problem. And for us, gentlemen, if a handful of reputable magazines like People are gullible enough to actually believe this excuse, maybe we too can convince our girlfriends and friends that we’re not going bald, “it’s just COVID.”