“I swear to God if you lay a finger on me my father will sue your ass!” Ever hear this one? Typically the only time someone has the balls to say something this pathetic is right before you’re about to throw a fat serving of fist right into their face after some asshole hits on your girlfriend at a bar then insults you for not wearing a Gucci shirt like him. We’ve all met him… It’s daddy’s special little boy who worked so hard finding that $4,000 a month L.A. apartment for his father to pay for entirely, then calls YOU a loser for not doing the same.
Should your father ever hit the life lottery as well, or if you’d simply like to know how to spot the outfit of one of these douchebags from a mile away, here’s the “do you know who my father is” starter pack.
Polo Shirt (Popped Collar Optional, but encouraged) – For whatever reason it was at one point decided by the council of douchebags that every shirt one can own must be a short sleeved polo. Day or night, winter or summer these guys wear nothing but striped designer polo shirts as a flex that they’re casual but somehow have more money than you. So if you see some guy at your local watering hole with an expensive polo on, you’re probably within range of his daddy’s lawyer suing abilities. Beware.
Reflective Designer Sunglasses 24/7 – Remember, these guys are quick to retreat behind daddy’s money right after starting a fight so self respect goes right out the window, making it easy to wear sunglasses almost 24/7, rain or shine. Got a nice pair of Ray-Bans? How cute! Bet they’re not even half the price of my Gucci lenses. They were a gift from my father for getting a C- in my econ class after donating a library to the school.
Drive a C-Class Mercedes – Upset it’s not an S class? I said I got a C- not an A, remember. Dad’s punishing me with this piece of shit excuse for luxury and won’t let us trade in for an upgrade until we start working at his company like we planned. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to reference that I drive a Mercedes at least 50 times before I leave the bar, even if my car’s pretty much as expensive as a decent Honda Civic.