Did you know kids don’t have snow days anymore?

So it’s come to my attention that schools today, DON’T close their doors for the ever coveted, “snow day” anymore. When I was a kid, snow days were the most exciting, amazing time to be a student. After toiling all week at school, the slightest hint that there’d be a snowstorm in the forecast would send you on a mad dash to stay up all night watching the local news ticker, hoping and praying for that coveted moment when your school district’s name would pop up and say “CLASSES CANCELLED.” Pure glee and euphoria.

It was magical, a whole day off from school to sleep in, wake up to some hot chocolate and then go sled, throw snowballs or build a snowman in the very same snow that slushed society to a halt. And on top of that, you didn’t have to do any of the homework that was assigned the night before because, well, there was no reason to! You weren’t going into school that day, there was no way for teachers to track you down.

But now, that everything’s all “Zoom this” and “remote that”, kids don’t even have real snow days any more. They just continue school from home. Full classes, homework and everything. It’s unbelievable. If there’s one thing that really changed because of this whole fucking pandemic it’s the total loss of the magic of a snow day.

I get it, a snow day every day is bonkers, but we can easily compromise. I suggest that for the FIRST what would’ve been “snow day” of the year, we cancel school. Let the kids play, let ’em enjoy what winter’s all about. Then for every other “snow day” afterwards, they can do their remote learning. See, everyone’s happy. Bring back snow days, for America.