May 29, 2022

The Tap Daily

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Could I Beat Up Vin Diesel?

This question has rattled in my head since the last 3 Fast n’ Furious movies have come out… Mostly because each one has been shittier than the last and the only character people still cared about actually died in real life with Paul Walker. Now all the franchise has been stuck with is a group of actors who have been made so rich by such a shitty franchise they refuse to work on any other projects, a true testament to how much each of them are sellouts.

But the biggest sellout of them all, Vin Diesel, seems to be keeping this Frankenstein’s monster of a series alive and wouldn’t let it die with Paul, as it probably should have. That being said I can’t fucking stand to look at Vin Diesel’s bloated, roided out face anymore. So if I wanted to, could I kick his ass in a fight? Absolutely. Let’s put this out there first an foremost. VIN DIESEL IS AN ACTOR! Just because some guy appears to be huge and a good fighter on screen doesn’t mean he actually is.

This guys just as intimidating as a ballet dancer, in my book actors are just as, if not less tough. If I saw Riddick standing across from me in a back alley with a pissed off look on his face I’d honestly ridicule him for his shitty FnF movies, then mock him for his bloated washed-up appearance, then proceed to kick his ass.

Besides being an inexperienced, pampered Hollywood actor Vin has no size to him. Sure for the average person his 6 ft 225 lb stature might be intimidating, but don’t forget at least 30 lbs of that is straight up fat. Add his ripe old age of 54 years old and suddenly you feel like you’re fighting Mickey Rourke. Me on the other hand, at 6’7″ (yes, that’s my real height) and currently weighing at an IDGAF 241 lbs, I would absolutely destroy him.

Even if he could throw more punches than I expected, all I’d have to do is run circles around him until his fat ass ran out of steam. Then I’d pumble him into the ground and along with him his shitty movie franchise nobody gives a shit about anymore.

Vin Diesel

For all of you Vin Diesel fans out there who think I’m wrong, eat a dick. And if you’re a Fast N’ Furious fan, eat an even bigger dick because you don’t have the slightest fucking clue what a good movie is. If you think a good film is stocky builds and exploding cars then I suggest you get your head checked. I would destroy Vin Diesel in a fight, prime or present form. Let’s set it up, Vin. I’ll take my Jake Paul moment and fight the semi-elderly for a massive profit. Let’s do this.

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