Coffee Shouldn’t Cost More Than $2.50, MAX

You heard me. Coffee is too damn expensive in this city and I’ve had enough of it. Nine dollars for a goddamn latte?!? My standard order is usually a just a large black coffee. However, on occasion, I’ll get an Americano. But even as simple as those orders are, I still feel like i’m being priced out of my morning caffeine fix (to combat this I’ve just started brewing my own at home, but… my point still stands, nevertheless).

I blame the hipsters. You used to be able to walk into any deli and get a nice cup of coffee for a buck. But now, any coffee place (ahem, Blue Bottle) will have you waiting thirty minutes and taking out a second mortgage just to pay seventeen dollars for a cup of coffee that honestly isn’t much better than what you were getting in the first place (and the service is wayyyyy more stuffy). These douchey “coffee aficionados” are ruining what used to be an economical and pleasant morning routine.

If you order a straight, large black coffee, I firmly believe it should be one dollar. A shot of espresso? Fifty cents. At the nearest “coffee shop” down the street from me, a single shot of espresso costs $4!!! Four dollars?!?! A Large black coffee at Stumptown is 4.25! Anything above $2.50 is criminal. Even a Large at Starbucks will still run you back about three bucks.

Sure, you wanna throw your creams, sugars, foams, dairy alternative milks in there and that’s where we can start fudging with the pricing. But at its core… a cup of coffee should be no more than one whole dollar. It’s hot water and ground beans for God’s sake. Plus, everybody drinks it, don’t act like you’re not hitting your margins this month. I know you’re doing just fine.

There’s a gas station convenience store next to my apartment that sells a LARGE CAPPUCCINO for $1. It’s heaven. Sure it may not be the best cup of coffee you’ll ever drink… but it gets the job done and it’s got my business for life (I think they may have some shady Saudi dealings going on there too because their gas is ridiculously cheap as well, but hey- I’m not complaining).

Make coffee cheap again!