February 2, 2023

The Tap Daily

The Tap Daily is a West Coast based pop culture and entertainment website that features humorous and quick reading articles to keep you up to speed on daily news.

Can we stop pretending people actually enjoy oysters?

oysters on plate

Photo by Elle Hughes on Pexels.com

tray of oysters on table
Oysters are soooo overrated

So you’re out and you wanna impress a date? Order some oysters for the table and sit back and let her marvel at how cultured & fancy you are. People have been doing this night after night for decades. The problem is, nobody wants to admit that oysters actually suck. Despite them being on the top tier of fancy-schmancy apps choices, oysters actually taste disgusting.

I’ve had a fair amount of oysters in my life and to be honest with you, the only reason I’ve eaten them, was primarily just to impress the other people at the table. Which, I’m positive, is the same reason they ordered/ate them in front of me.

Oysters taste like just squishy gooey, salty ocean. No, real pleasurable flavor. Any food that comes with 4+ little dressings you have to put on it in order to make the experience of eating it somewhat bareable, is just disgusting.

If I wanted to taste the ocean, I’d walk right down to the beach, get in front of an incoming wave and just open my mouth. Because honestly, that might be a more pleasurable experience than having to slurp down some disgusting pacific placenta.

Mussels are different because (thankfully) most of the taste comes from the broth it’s cooked in, so it’s not as horrid of an experience, but still, there’s no reason to put oysters on the pedestal of elegance that we all do.

Also west coast oysters vs. east coast oysters, vs. pacific northwest oysters, vs. your mom’s asses oysters- there’s too many ridiculous variations! Any food, where the quality is impacted THAT MUCH by where it is from, should seriously be questioned.

Take a stand with me and call someone out the next time they decide to order “oysters for the table”. Everyone in your party will thank you for preventing them from another insufferable appetizer.

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