Bring Avozillas to the United States NOW!

This week, British supermarket chain Tesco announced they’re bringing back their giant, nearly four pound Avocados dubbed “Avozillas.” And let me tell you, this thing is fucking huge.

The South African farmers who invented the Avozillas say that despite being nearly 10x larger than a normal avocado, the giant ‘cados actually taste the exact same. Meaning you can seriously get your money’s worth if you’re cruising a dinner party and need to rip a lotta homemade guac for your guests. This all sounds so sick until you realize that unfortunately… the Avozilla is only available in the U.K and Australia.

Which begs me to ask… why the fuck can’t we get Avozillas in the United States? What the hell?!?! You know those “Orange Cunty-Avocado Toast-Yoga Moms” would pay prime money for these gargantuan sized avocados! There’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to import ’em all here from South Africa! They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and it’s my God-given right as an American to be able to eat food that is abhorrently large and ridiculously oversized. Ever gone for BBQ and not felt like absolute and utter shit after? WelI, that’s just patriotism. I shouldn’t have to go to the UK to be able to get my hands on one of these freaks of agriculture. Forget the space race, now the U.S. has entered into a competition to harvest (or at least import) the largest Avocado. Fuck you, Brits. It’s on.