Looking for a new, inexpensive, calorically forgiving, ridiculously hydrating and extremely efficient way to get absolutely fucked up? Well, look no further than The Borg.
What is “The Borg” you ask? Let’s start with a plastic Gallon jug of water. Y’know, the ones you can buy at your local gas station for a couple of bucks? Right off the bat, drink HALF of it. Yup, you heard me. Give your body that hydration you’ve been depriving it of, and chug down half a gallon of water (it’s not that bad, only like 8 glasses).
Next, pour a FIFTH of VODKA into the remaining gallon jug of water. My personal vodka of choice is Tito’s, but you could certainly play around and adjust to your preference.
Then, the final step. Empty out an ENTIRE Mio “liquid water enhancer” into the gallon jug. I tend to go with the blue “Berry Blast” Mio with electrolytes and B vitamins, but whether you like orange, fruit punch, or even lemon lime, there’s a Mio for you.
Now shake it all up, and you have yourself a Borg.
Here’s the thing, you don’t even taste the alcohol, like at all. It’s literally like drinking straight Gatorade. Before you know it, you’ve downed an entire fifth of vodka, gotten two days worth of hydration & electrolytes in one sitting, all while expending minimal caloric intake. And you are beyond fucked up, like a one way train to blackout city. Plus, all that water you chugged at the beginning keeps your body nice and hydrated, so you feel GREAT!
The borg is meant to be sipped throughout the evening and night. (Or perfect for a LONG session of day drinking). The built-in handle is so clutch for carrying it around your function. People can’t help but turn their heads and wonder, “What’s he drinking?” and thus, you, “The
Guy With The Jug of Colored Vodka”, becomes the immediate life of the party. Happy Borging!
Please drink responsibly. If you do not think you can handle The Borg, you probably can’t.