Best Lies to Get Out of Work

There is nothing quite like the thrill of a lie that get you out of something you don’t want to do. I find myself regularly lying to get out of work, for obvious reasons. I have learned the best excuses and worst excuses which will help you get out of the office as much as possible as we transition back into our regular work life. You can’t just say your sick over and over, and a car accident is too difficult to lie about. Here are my top excuses to get out of work that always keep you under the radar:

First, lie and say your pet is ill or destroyed your house. it is shockingly easy to get people to empathize with animals while they don’t give a shit about you. I always go with the “Gotta take my dog to the vet because he ate _____”. Nine times out of ten, your boss will feel sorry for your pet and give you as much time as you need. This is easy to fake as well because you can find basically any photo of destroyed furniture on the internet that makes it look like you have an animal who is a menace.

Second, an elderly person who you are close to fell and needs your help. Whether it is your grandparent or senior citizen neighbor, saying they fell and you happen to be an emergency contact is a great excuse to get out of work. this requires no proof on your part other than written/phone call documentation. Next time you want to take Friday off to play golf, just have your friend text you “Help, I fell and need you to take me to the hospital”, change their contact name to “Dorthy”, and say it’s your 92 year old neighbor at your apartment. In this situation, you put your boss in a situation that makes them the asshole if they say no. Brilliant, I know.

Lastly, blame it on your kid. First off, they are your responsibility 100% of the time. You can easily say they are sick, got kicked out of daycare or just got arrested for lighting bags of poop on fire on your neighbors doorstep. If you create the situation that they are in trouble, you can easily get out of work to handle the situation. Hell, you can even say you have to drive them to the doctor for a checkup. Bottom line, they can’t say no if you use your kid as an excuse.

Hope this helps all of you to play a little hooky to end the summer!