Battle of the Nut Butters

I love nut butters. Whether it’s in a smoothie, with some fruit, or spread on toast, I honestly probably eat some form of nut butter every day. I don’t have a nut allergy (I don’t even believe in them, just eat the nuts, they won’t kill you) so because of my overindulgence of these butters it got me thinking… which one is the best one? We all know cookie butter and maple butter are fantastic, but this is NOT the blog for that. Officially time to put our nut butters to the test and find which one reigns supreme. Let’s get ready to rummmmmmble!

First up, peanut butter, America’s spread. You can’t have a PB & J without it. While it’s generally good, I have a bone to pick with it. More often than not, peanut butter is too strong and way too salty. Peanut butter is like the beefy meathead who’s still lifting weights at the gym. You’ve proved your point bro, there’s no reason for you to be here. I like peanut butters that actually taste like peanuts, rather than ones that try to be their own thing (ahem, JIF). Because of its constant imposter syndrome (yet, universal likability. Peanut butter ranks for a good, upper-tier nut nutter.

Next, cashew butter. I like cashews on their own , but overall, cashew butter is disappointingly just fine. While it’s a little on the blander side, it has a hint of sweetness but leaves much to be desired on the palate. Cashew butter is a solid, mid-tier butter.

Sunflower butter… Gotta be honest, I’ve never had sunflower butter before. But this is one of the things I’ve seen at “white people grocery stores” and figured it has a shot of being decent if enough people are actually buying it. Upon actually reading into it, I learned that this “nut” butter is actually made from sunflower seeds, so… are sunflower seeds nuts? That just leaves more questions unanswered. Maybe I’ll give it a try and report back.

Almond butter is clearly the GOAT of all nut butters. It’s perfectly salty and sweet all at once and makes for the perfect accompaniment to literally anything. Along with its great consistency, almond butter doesn’t leave a ridiculous aftertaste in your mouth (like our peanut friends) and you can actually enjoy it without having your jaws clench together. People make fun of almond butter lovers but those people are just insecure of their own nut-ulenity. Almond butter reigns supreme.

Also, people… get your jars out of the pantries. For the love of God, refrigerate your nut butters, what are you doing?!? The next time I have to deal with someone’s soupy, room temperature nut butter, I’m spilling it all over their counter.

Finally, Hazelnut Butter (Nutella). Okay, let’s get it straight, Nutella is practically dessert in a jar and I even hesitated to include it in this blog because of all the chocolate (however, because of the hazelnuts, I felt inclined to the nut butter community to give it a ranking). I might be one of the few people on the planet who doesn’t like Nutella. It’s way too sweet and literally overpowers anything you’re trying to mix it with. I don’t understand why people try to put it with everything, Nutella is criminally OVERRATED. Nutella belongs on the bottomest of tiers.

Hot take, the Honorable Mention goes to macadamia nut butter. It’s pretty gas, but is unfortunately not widely available (aside from the afore mentioned, “white people supermarkets”). Now for chunky vs. smooth… that’s a whole nother blog.