Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Bathe Less Than a Hobo

This is just so gross. Famed Hollywood couple, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, appeared on Dax Shepard’s podcast “Armchair Expert” earlier this week where they openly admitted to hardly ever bathing and never using soap to do so. Their argument? Soap ruins the “natural oils” of the body. You can’t make this shit up! Kunis told Shepard she never had hot water growing up and hardly bathed in the first place, so the transition into being a disgusting and smelly adult was very easy for her. I mean what kind of hobo logic is this? I’m sure they probably have a poop bucket instead of a toilet because it “saves water.”

I think the most disturbing part of the whole conversation was when the couple admitted they barely bathe their own children, noting “if you can see dirt on them, bathe them. Otherwise there’s no point.” God, would I hate to be those kids. You can almost guarantee they’re getting called smelly and garbage boy at school with this kind of shit going on in the “Kutcher-Kunis” house. Can you imagine what it would be like to go over for a dinner party? Good luck sitting on their smelly couch trying to pick at a charcuterie board. Is that the cheese I smell, or Ashton’s smelly nut sack soaking into the couch?

These two people are some of the most well known celebrities in Hollywood and you’re telling me they can’t afford a bar of soap?! I mean, Jesus, I’ll ship one to them right now just for the sake of bathing their poor children! Now I know why they hardly ever appear on any late night shows anymore. I’m sure Jimmy Kimmel could barely get through a taping without the occasional gag or two. I knew people in Hollywood were crazy, but these two are absolutely fucking nuts! Bathe your kids, Ashton!