The concept that life’s a simulation has been haunting me ever since I binge watched ‘The Matrix’ trilogy while eating a massive tub or Ben and Jerry’s last weekend. It was chocolate brownie, in case you were wondering, so you know I polished off dat bitch. But in a sugar rush driven stupor I quickly found myself falling down the rabbit hole of simulation theories. After hours of mindless research that made up a montage of me randomly changing positions on the couch I came to the conclusion that, out of all the simulation theories on the internet, the concept that other people aren’t real is actually legit.
According to the concept you are the only real person in this world, everyone else is simply a simulation called non-player characters or NPC’s. Essentially that means people around you exist simply to make the world feel more like… well, the world. Tough to believe the concept that your girlfriend’s not real and you’re most likely just sitting in a vat of goo with your brain plugged into the Matrix and a fleshlight conving you you’re actually getting laid. But ALAS! I believe it simply based on the premise that it explains why people are generally so fucking stupid.
Why am I writing to all of you NPC’s? It’s just a comfort thing at this point. Now that I know nobody’s real and I’m clearly as important as I knew I was my whole damn life, there’s nothing else for me to do. Maybe I’ll just start going around slapping people. All I know is that the absolute dogshit quality of driving in Los Angeles can only make sense if it’s because the fake people that make up the millions of drivers here were programmed by a stoner who skipped training on the day they wen’t over coding traffic.
Regardless, knowing this reality I’ll still probably do the same shit I did before I was “self aware”: Sit on the couch and pound that chocolate brownie tub.