March 20, 2023

The Tap Daily

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Animals I Would Kick the Shit Out of in a UFC Fight

There are many animals out there that are scary.  Some could easily beat me in a fist fight but there are many I think I could break in half just like McGreggor’s leg.  I’m going to leave ocean animals off the list because that just changes the game but here is my list of animals I would kick the shit out of in a UFC style fight. 

Chihuahua – Chihuahuas are little fuckers that always bite me.  For this reason, I would happily beat one or two up in a good old fashion cage match.  While they are small and quick, I think I could overpower the little guy and tucker him out in a triangle choke.  Chihuahuas don’t stand a chance against me in a fight and I can’t imagine it lasts longer than round 1.

Deer – I feel that a deer would be very athletic and quick in the ring.  While they have the edge is physical agility, they are dumb as shit.  They literally jump off 100 foot bridges and sprint straight into oncoming traffic on a regular basis.  I think I could easily bait a deer in the ring and knock one out with a quick right and left jab.  A deer could land some shots but I would definitely end up knocking it out over time. 

Coyote – While coyotes are known as being smart hunters in their packs, they are very timid when they are alone.  If I were hypothetically in a 1-on-1 battle with a coyote I feel I would easily kick it’s ass.  Not only could I knock it out, but I think I could wrestle it to the ground and score a submission choke.  I have been taking karate classes online so I know it is very doable.  Plus, a coyote killed one of my friends’ dogs when we were kids and it is time for some revenge. 

*Honorable mentions: Giraffe, turtle, any cat and small garden snakes* 

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