5 Red Flag Items in His/Her Apartment

We all have our inclinations, our likes and dislikes, our vices; but, in the year of our lord 2021, there are certain artifacts that can be found in one’s living space that just don’t bode well for that person.  It has gotten to a point where I could walk in someone’s front door, see one of these items and immediately turn around.  If for whatever reasons these items truly have become instrumental to your life and well being then at least stow them away when company is over.  Here are 5 items you never want to stumble upon in his/her apartment.       

1.) A Puff Bar-If you find a Puff Bar in their apartment, you better be sure Chris Hanson isn’t about to appear from a back room, because nothing is a testament to someone being underage than a Bluerazz-Aloe-Bubblegum Puff Bar.  Using a Puff Bar is like ordering a double-mocha chocolaty Frappuccino instead of drinking a normal cup of coffee.  Just smoke a damn cigarette.  And if you’re reading this and you have a puff bar in your own apartment then its time to do some serious life revaluing.

2.) A dirty bong as the centerpiece of their coffee table– I like smoking some kind like any other Joe Schmo out there, but we’ve got to move past the dirty toilet-water bongs positioned as the most important thing in your living space.  Yeah we get it, you like smoking weed and watching Rick and Morty, but your breathe smells like shit, friend.

3.) Canned Tuna– Canned tuna is pretty fucking gross; let’s just say it.  If they’re eating enough of this stuff you better hope you see some evidence of a VERY meticulous dental hygiene routine.  If I smell tuna on your breath its over, I don’t care how well things are going.

4.) An active Disney Plus Account– If you see evidence that this person has been watching Disney movies its game over.  You do not want to see a Disney plus tab on their TV, and you definitely don’t want to see that they’ve used it recently.  We all know Disney movies are for children and pedophiles, and nothing else. 

5.) A cat– I don’t want to hear it cat people, I really don’t.  If you are a self-proclaimed ‘cat person’ you’re actually kind of a ‘depressing person.’  A cat should be on the street, where it belongs.